Epilogue: Defrina 'Ina' Pasaribu

(She has the loveliest smile*)
*Ina, I don't understand why you have 'Kerak Telor' seller as a background prop. 

Dear Ina, 

If life is a book, yesterday was the end of the story of your life. You have finished your last chapter and you did it as a champion!

Now, we are here, reading your book. I must say, this is a remarkably beautiful piece. You have successfully written a story that moves our hearts; a call to reflect on our lives and do better in life. Undoubtedly, you have fabricated the standard of how we should live and we all thank you for that.

A wise man  once said, the life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living. And there you are, placed in the best memory our ours. The best place, for a friend, who always put people before herself. A friend, who taught people to think positively. A friend, who told us that there's a good side in everyone and we should not lose faith in love and life. 

Life is beautiful, and death is always feared. Now that understand why people fear death. It's actually not because they're afraid of being dead, it's just only many of us regret the good things that we did not do even though we had chance. In fact, I regret how I did not stay in touch with you even though you were in a critical condition. I restrained myself because I was not ready for that situation. I did not know what to say to you because I thought you needed time and focus. I thought my stupid texts or calls may disrupt you. Thus, I trusted information from other friends about your condition. I wish I had more guts to come to you and hug you, telling you that we love you. 

Now the chance has gone. I wish I had guts to express that I care.

Never though that it happened so fast, though we know that every beginning must have an end. For you, this is not the end of the story of a life. In fact, this is a new chapter in our life; so that we know there are more important things than the life itself - friendship, love,  hopes and family. 

I guess, from now on I will call my family more frequently. They're greatest gifts that God's sent to me. 

Ina, thank you for the life lessons and love you shared. 

May you rest in peace, Na. 

Until we meet again. 

Best,

R

Things That I Wish The Grown Ups Had Told Me Earlier About Growing Up. And They Are No Fun

"Possibly, the voice of my generation"

When I was 10, I was so SO ready to be a grown up, because being a child was boring and annoying: people did not take me seriously and I could not watch Titanic. Fifteen years later, now, I wish I could still hide inside my closet when everything falls apart. The truth to be told, being a grown up is a curse for every child's birthday wish. If you're 3 and you're reading this note, please, do not wish "to be a grown up". Wish something else, like, scholarship for your college or a filthy rich spouse -- either will work.

Being a grown up is tough, and instead of telling me to be a successful person, I wish people could have been that smart to tell me that there are 3 life lessons that I need to learn before I step into the real world of the adult nation: dealing with separation, failing in love and making real friendship. 

1) "You gotta get along with separation. Shit happens"

Separation is an inevitable situation that everyone must get along with. And yes, meeting someone special must come with a price: a goodbye. It is sad that nothing lasts forever: friendship; love; job; life. As Nelly Furtado said, "Why do all good things come to an end?". I also ask the same thing when I have to say goodbye to my favourite food, but that's not the point. 

It is sad to wake up in the morning, knowing that you probably will not see this person tomorrow. Recently one of my dorm mate in high school got lupus. It was a surprising news, because she is just 25 like many of us. In addition, she is a very good person and for God's sake, she's just 25.

"Ina, In her bed."

For many of us, this news is a tragedy because lupus is an incurable disease; your immune system attacks, killing every good cell in your body. In brief, now we see her in a different way: there is a chance that we may not see this beautiful heart again. Since lupus is incurable, the best medicine are mental supports and love. I have not met her again since she's hospitalized, but my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.

Ina, I know we have not been in touch for such a long time. Despite the fact that we have not been in touch in such a long time, I just want to let you know that you mean a lot to me. I may not have said it, but you are a truly kind person. I hope our prayers will come true: that you will get through this critical condition. You inspire us, that whatever happens in this life is not to be feared but to be accepted.

For separation in any means is debilitative, many of us - including me - are not ready to accept the process. When I lost my grandfather to stroke, for almost more than 5 years after his death, I could not embrace the fact that he was gone forever. His death had a major impact on the way I react to death. I became resistant to death and farewells. I tried to avoid farewell parties or death ceremonies because I did not want to say goodbyes. Later, many complained about the way I acted. They thought I was a stone-cold b*tch, but they just did not understand the anxiety that I had to bear of the fear of losing. 

What are the best strategy to cope with loss? A study finds that  seeking for social support and talking to people about your feelings are good coping strategies.  Not just that you know you have people to talk to, at least, you know there are people who care about you :)

By now, I understand that I can always preserve my loving memory about my grandpa by sharing my heart and love with others in need.

2) "Do not fall in love, there is so much to lose"

Letting go someone you love is hard. It takes time, courage and lots of crying, alcohol and chocolate. Sadly, being in a relationship is a part of growing up. It is great that finally you have someone to share your crazy and sorrow but when all the good things gone, all you have is sh*t. 

If I knew that being in love was that risky, I would have had purchased an insurance for my heart.  

I fell in love with this person. That was the first time I really felt safe and happy when I was with someone. We laughed, we cried, we fought like we would always be together forever. He was my Freddie Mercury and he let me sing some  Freddie’s parts in “Somebody to Love” and “Bohemian Rhapsody”. He told me that I was too fat and exercised with me. He was the best I ever had. 

Now he’s gone and I have nothing but shattered pieces of my heart. He left every best memory when we were together, which hurt me so bad that I wish I were dead already. 

But have I learned my lesson? Nope. And like any single women in her mid-twenties, I will keep failing in love until I find the right person to share my crazy and love - until I will have to lose that person and say goodbye. And sh*t happens again.

3) "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

"Yeah, the life kinda looks like this"

Competition is real in this adult nation and... tough. It's to kill or be killed - kind of rule. Thus, making your way to the top on your own is a perfect suicide plan. Yeah, some people can totally make it straight to the top. Yeah, probably Josh. But we know he's a straight up weirdo. Friends, coworkers, mates, networking, friends with benefits - whatever you name them- are important to help you.  I cannot imagine a generation of people who always think that they can survive in this world without the help of others. Even your enemies themselves. In fact, do not call them your enemies, call them 'partners with not so much in common'. 

Do not hold yourself from making new friends. I know she's a total ass, but, before judging that you cannot be friends with them, think again the benefits of making good relationship with them. If you cannot be friends with them, at least, you can keep pretending that they do not exist in your universe. I don't know, you know them better than me. 

So far, being an adult is a great experience when you have life principles you can hold on to. And some friends to talk to. It’s a kinda lonely and crazy at the same time. But, when you’ve found your ‘Dagobah’, you will feel safe and less fear. 

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